I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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