SEEEEXXX PLEASE
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
