Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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