Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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