oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
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