I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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