The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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