My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I think a kid would responsible me up
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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