Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
