I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
