the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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