Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
3pm strippers are depressing
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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