I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
