I want to walk on stilts...naked
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
