Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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