You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
