worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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