Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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