I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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