I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
