i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
