Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
