Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
