her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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