last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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