So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
