once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
