I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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