He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Randomize
