I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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