I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
