would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
