At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
accomplished twins. life is a go
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
