You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
