I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
