I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize