Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
