shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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