I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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