I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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