i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
