this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
