Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
