i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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