I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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