I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
