She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
