Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
