i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Randomize
