Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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