apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I touched a dick in church today
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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