it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
