i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
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He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
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"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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