before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
What changed your mind?
Being sober
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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