so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
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I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
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So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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