You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
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P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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