this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
