It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just invented taco cereal.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
