Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Did I show you my penis last night?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
