She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
you will always have a special place in my vag
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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