I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
