PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
"it" just moved
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
