at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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