I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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