someone get that fucking seahorse.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
