Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
