It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
They took my balls.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
