Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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