Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
