I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
