I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
