Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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