Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
