at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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