There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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