Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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