Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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