thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Randomize
