Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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