You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
