Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I can't turn off my feet"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
