I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
