how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
