he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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